Much of our views today have been defined by what the media seems to promote through TV shows, movies, magazines and all other forms of media, we find it more appealing to identify with movie characters, speak like them, dress like them, behave like them and basically relive the lives we watch on TV or read about in books, their stories have been made to appear so good that even quotations have been made to further justify their position of influence. It’s against this background that I would like to draw my inspiration for writing this post about my dating perspective and what I’ve learn over my many years on this earth.
Not that I don’t watch movies or even appreciate their place in modern society, I watch movies and shows so much that I also have my favorites just like any other person but I also believe that dating as a subject has been overly misinterpreted and abused to the extent that it’s just like any other hobby that people engage in. I strongly believe that dating (irrespective of your interpretation of the meaning) should be a very intentional affair to build trust and communication between two people ‘intending to get married ‘I emphasize the part of ‘intending to get married’ because that should be the purpose of dating in the 1st place, there could be other reasons but I know for a fact that if you don’t intend to get married to that person you’re currently dating then probably you are wasting each other’s time.
I believe that when God was creating us he wired us to be relational, he wanted us to love and be loved because the very person of Christ is love, we can’t even for a moment assume that there’s survival with no love. With this in mind, I also believe that God created us so special that he made our hearts so fragile that he wouldn’t want any of us to be ‘Heart Broken’, our hearts are too precious to endure heart breaks. This doesn’t mean that heart breaks don’t exist in the world today, in fact they are the norm of our society and the reason is because we have allowed our flesh and the world’s standards to dominate our pattern of thought.
At 22 years of age, I have had to endure countless arguments from peers who have given statistics and facts convincing me that I need to be dating already or that I should at least have a ‘Girl Friend’ and I have also had to present counter arguments on why I don’t have a girlfriend and not dating. I must also state that in the church communities I have had an opportunity to be a part of, they seem to be silent of this issue but prefer to leave the decision to the preference of the believers. I am not against dating or having girlfriends and boyfriends, no, my reasoning (Which is subject to debate) is that the sole purpose of dating should be to get married and so this factors in the question of ‘when’ and ‘who’, if I’m not ready to get married then am definitely not ready to date, if I can’t put a roof over my head, then what would makes me think that I can put a roof over 2 heads?
I value girls so much that I wouldn’t want to be seen playing around with their feelings in the name of doing what everyone else is doing or because it is trendy. Let me also state that if I wanted to date right now I would have already done it, in fact I would have even had more than two options to choose from but because I understand that our hearts are too precious, I choose to remain single so that I can be very well prepared when the right time comes (the right time is when am ready to get married) it’s not just for the fun of it but rather companionship.
There’s also a philosophy that one has to have experience in order to know how things are done which also brings me to my next point that as a believer my identity has allowed to fully trust that God is enough for me to have a love experience that when the right person comes along at the right time, I will be very well prepared to love them just like Christ loved the church. With this at the back of my mind, I don’t need to have the world’s standard to learn from yet I have the author of love to learn from directly.
My advice to the guys struggling with the choice on whether or not to date is that you build a big circle of friends, so big that it’s from these that you will choose your future date and make sure that this circle of friends is built on a strong foundation of trust and communication. Make sure that your female friends understand your stand and be open to them when your feelings go through the roof. I know the subject of feelings for friends is also a heavy one but I also believe that given that you and your friends trust each other then you can be honest about them or simply walk away from the cause of the fire till it goes away.
To the girls, the same advice as above applies in addition to making sure that you have a firm relationship with the Lord who defines your identity because from what I’ve observed, there’s a supposed natural need for the ladies to feel appreciated, cared for and loved so for you to have all these things it maybe temptation to move on from one guy to another till you find the right one no matter the cost which to me would be an indication that you don’t fully understand that in Christ you are complete and don’t need to seek more clarification of your completeness from a guy.
I have lived a single life all my life and not at any one moment have I regretted that choice which I should add has not be an easy one considering that we live in a fallen world but non the less my knowledge of Christ has allowed me to see beyond what my natural eyes can see. For me to trust that my future mate is out there waiting for me and that I don’t have to go out hunting for her takes more effort than what my human nature can accommodate but then again our God is supernatural and since we’re in his likeness we also have a supernatural aspect to us, the sooner we realize this, the better for us. I have had my own share of tests which in my own sufficiency would have failed me but because I am Christ sufficient it has become so simple and am thankful to my friends that have also committed to living alike which has allowed me to present this alternative opinion because it works.
Lastly I know that very many people including some believers will disagree with my opinion based on facts and figures that are scientifically proven, they will present theories of scholars, opinions of pastors and many others sources. All this in the name of justifying their opinion on the subject, all those I can’t argue with and respect every other opinion because mine also have its flaws so if you are reading this, please choose what works for you bearing in mind that you are solely responsible for your own choices but if you choose to agree with me, then I am grateful and my work is done here. Cheers.